Post by theoldfart2 on Dec 4, 2013 21:00:07 GMT
High above the Earth,on a cold winters night the first ever all Japanese space craft with its three man crew, entered the Earths atmosphere as it attempted re- entry. Unknown to them there was a faulty relay in the master computer, and there entry was too steep.
Their fate was sealed and as the space craft disintegrated in the atmosphere their bodies were thrown to the winds as they plummeted to the earth.
Many miles away and far below this catastrophe ,a young couple called Todd and Marie, were walking towards the town of Bethnal Green , so they could attend the four yearly census of remaining Des O'Conner fan club members, and even though she was heavily pregnant, nothing was going to stop them attending this four year highlight .
Frost sparkled from the roadside whinos, as Marie complained to her husband about the bitter cold.
'Yes my darling' he replied, there is certainly a nip in the air tonight, and no sooner that he said those fateful words, the remains of the stricken spacecraft illuminated the stars hight above them.
At the same time three university professors who were keen anglers were making their way from the East End to a pegged comp for the Mac Millian Nurses, when they saw the bright light in the sky.
'Bloody hell' sayeth the driver, that's a sign of something special, I am going to follow it.
As the three wise men followed the bright light in the sky, Todd and Marie arrived at the local Premier Inn where all was not well.
'Sorry fully booked owing to the census ' explained the owner, 'But as I can see your wife is about to pop, I can put you two up in a stable conversion we are doing round the back. It's not finished and is a bit mangey, but its better than nothing'
Todd and Marie gladly accepted this offer and just 15 minutes later ,Marie gave birth to a boy in a mangey stable, but no one cribbed about the lack of a bed.
At the same time the three men drew up in their Volvo Estate and looked at the sign outside the building.
'I knew it' sayeth the driver a sign,look' and sure enough the sign was of a moon and the stars.
'There will be a boy child born within this building tonight who will be the saviour of all fish stocks, change the way of the world, and banish Keith Arthur forever. We must pay homage to him and give him gifts.'
A quick search of the car revealed a Frank Ifield cassette, a Blurr, cd and a tube of Gold Spot mouth freshener.
They quickly found the infant child and after paying there respects left their gifts of Gold,Frank Ifield, and Blurr, before deciding to go back home and tell everyone about it.
Unfortunately they had to return by another route as the M 25 was closed owing to a crash by a Harrods delivery van.
Back in the stable ,Todd had put the kettle on a small stove to make his wife a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately ,owing to the arrival of the three men the kettle had boiled dry. As he went to pick it off the stove his wife asked him " What shall we call our baby son?"
Todd picked up the red hot kettle as he turned to his wife to answer her question.
"Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed, as the hot metal burned into his hand and he dropped the kettle on the stable floor.
"Nice name " said his wife, "but a bit long. Lets call him JC for short".
And so it was that JC started his life in these humble surroundings.
JC had a fairly un eventful childhood and after reaching the age of eighteen, he followed his father into the fast food business cooking fish and fried potatoes. He excelled at this and soon became a well known ' Chippy' but things in the fast food business began to worry JC.
Since he had started in the trade he had noticed that the portions of fish that he was frying were getting smaller and smaller.
JC had asked his father about this, but had been told that it didn't matter, because all the big fish had been caught, and now they were having to catch the small stuff, but as his father explained.
"It's not a worry of ours my boy, if the punters want the same portions they had five years ago then they have to buy two lots instead of one. More money for us!"
JC could see a problem with this.
" Dad that means they are taking all the small fish to make up the numbers of portions, and soon there will be nothing left to catch".
" What do I care?" replied his father. "Next year I retire and I have made a fortune. The business is yours and it is booming, and you can sell it on and do what you like with the money."
But unlike most people JC actually gave a shite about what was happening.
The following year, he did indeed take over the family business and promptly sold it to a canny, Scotsman who could see that the fish stocks were about to collapse and that people would have to eat something else.
" So what do you plan to sell Mr Mc Donnald? " asked JC as he singed the deeds.
" Burgers in a bun , son. I have just bought a load of rainforest dirt cheap, I will get it cut down , flog the wood for furniture and put cattle on the land."
"But that is short term like the overfishing, it can't last for long, and the resources will be exhausted."
" Too late Sunshine , you singed the deeds, and who cares if it becomes a desert in a few years, all we have to do is hype up those Aztec pyramids and the tourists will flock in."
But JC was extremely unhappy about this and more upset about the overfishing and the fact he had been called 'Sunshine'.
So he decided to get together a band of people who would follow him in his cause to stop overfishing, and enlighten people to what was happening.
So he formed JC and the Sunshine Band.
As JC started to spread the word, he made and friends and enemies and started to seriously sod off the local gill netters who were catching anything that they could.
One day a two men were gill netting when JC spotted them. Desperate to spread the word he borrowed a long board from a local surfer and drifted over to the men as he stood on it.
Being a long board to the fishermen it looked like he was walking on water.
'Bloody hell' said one of them 'Its that nutter who keeps on about over fishing,and he walks on water by the look of it, quick chuck the net over the other side of the boat so he can't see it. After all we have caught enough today."
'As JC drifted past at a distance he asked the fishermen to join his band.
'Yeha, right' they replied, ' We will do that as soon as we get a net full of nothing and then we will believe you.'
But after JC had drifted back to the shore, they pulled the net, and it was empty.
'Well that's us convinced' they said, and set off to join JC.
Another time JC and the Sunshine band were spreading the word in the local market when JC spotted a cripple begging in the spot where he wanted to stand and speak.
JC wandered over to him and whispered into his ear.
Seconds later the cripple was off down the road like a greased eel in a snake pit.
'A miracle' cried the crowd.
'What did you sathat cured him' asked one of the band.
'Easy' replied JC 'I told him that if he didn't sod off I would superglue a Walkman I to his ears and play continuous recordings of Keith Arthur's , Fisherman's Blues.'
'Bloody hell,that was nasty' said the Band. 'No wonder he legged it.
But people were starting to take notice, and more and more people came to listen to what he had to say.
Many of the people who heard what JC stopped buying small fish, and many of the gill netters gave up , and found other employment.
As less and less people caught fish , the price of what they caught went higher and higher
and it got so that people could no longer afford fish unless they got a pay day loan from the local money lenders who charged a fortune in interest to borrow a bit of wonga.
By now JC was getting famous, and to celebrate his success he invited all the Sunshine Band round hid gaff for a bit of supper. The mood was good and the beers had flowed, then JC brought out the food.
It was whitebait on toast!!
'Bloody hell' said Joe Dass, who was one of the band. 'If anyone finds out that you served us this tonight, there will be hell to pay, it's all small fish.'
'Yeah, I know' said JC ' but it was frozen stuff, and no one here will say anything unless you grass me up.'
Joe Dass, went red.
'You always pick on me when your pissed.' He complained
But going home that night he was stopped for drink driving by the local police who had decided to ignore muggers, terrorists, drug dealers, burglars, and the like, and spend their time on traffic duty.
Sure enough Joe Dass spilled the beans about JC and the next day the details of that last supper was in all the tabloid papers.
The press crucified JC about the whitebait.
With his credibility gone JC broke up the Sunshine Band and gave up his crusade.
Very soon everyone forgot what JC had been saying about overfishing and the gill netters were back in business. The less they caught ,the more nets they put out, and the smaller they made the mesh.
But people no longer cared, because there were fish back in the shops, even if they were so small they could only be used for soup. ( Like in Mediterranean countries)
Within a few days JC was yesterday's news and he quickly resurrected his career under a pseudo name and became a presenter of a program on the television ,going around the world to exotic locations trying to catch the remaining fish that were there on a rod and line and by doing so convince the viewers that all was well in the oceans.
So everyone ended up happy. JC got a fantastic job, the people got fish back in the shops, and the gill netters caught what was left in the sea.
Everyone knew it couldn't last, but no one care.
After all, it wasn't their problem, or was it?
Their fate was sealed and as the space craft disintegrated in the atmosphere their bodies were thrown to the winds as they plummeted to the earth.
Many miles away and far below this catastrophe ,a young couple called Todd and Marie, were walking towards the town of Bethnal Green , so they could attend the four yearly census of remaining Des O'Conner fan club members, and even though she was heavily pregnant, nothing was going to stop them attending this four year highlight .
Frost sparkled from the roadside whinos, as Marie complained to her husband about the bitter cold.
'Yes my darling' he replied, there is certainly a nip in the air tonight, and no sooner that he said those fateful words, the remains of the stricken spacecraft illuminated the stars hight above them.
At the same time three university professors who were keen anglers were making their way from the East End to a pegged comp for the Mac Millian Nurses, when they saw the bright light in the sky.
'Bloody hell' sayeth the driver, that's a sign of something special, I am going to follow it.
As the three wise men followed the bright light in the sky, Todd and Marie arrived at the local Premier Inn where all was not well.
'Sorry fully booked owing to the census ' explained the owner, 'But as I can see your wife is about to pop, I can put you two up in a stable conversion we are doing round the back. It's not finished and is a bit mangey, but its better than nothing'
Todd and Marie gladly accepted this offer and just 15 minutes later ,Marie gave birth to a boy in a mangey stable, but no one cribbed about the lack of a bed.
At the same time the three men drew up in their Volvo Estate and looked at the sign outside the building.
'I knew it' sayeth the driver a sign,look' and sure enough the sign was of a moon and the stars.
'There will be a boy child born within this building tonight who will be the saviour of all fish stocks, change the way of the world, and banish Keith Arthur forever. We must pay homage to him and give him gifts.'
A quick search of the car revealed a Frank Ifield cassette, a Blurr, cd and a tube of Gold Spot mouth freshener.
They quickly found the infant child and after paying there respects left their gifts of Gold,Frank Ifield, and Blurr, before deciding to go back home and tell everyone about it.
Unfortunately they had to return by another route as the M 25 was closed owing to a crash by a Harrods delivery van.
Back in the stable ,Todd had put the kettle on a small stove to make his wife a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately ,owing to the arrival of the three men the kettle had boiled dry. As he went to pick it off the stove his wife asked him " What shall we call our baby son?"
Todd picked up the red hot kettle as he turned to his wife to answer her question.
"Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed, as the hot metal burned into his hand and he dropped the kettle on the stable floor.
"Nice name " said his wife, "but a bit long. Lets call him JC for short".
And so it was that JC started his life in these humble surroundings.
JC had a fairly un eventful childhood and after reaching the age of eighteen, he followed his father into the fast food business cooking fish and fried potatoes. He excelled at this and soon became a well known ' Chippy' but things in the fast food business began to worry JC.
Since he had started in the trade he had noticed that the portions of fish that he was frying were getting smaller and smaller.
JC had asked his father about this, but had been told that it didn't matter, because all the big fish had been caught, and now they were having to catch the small stuff, but as his father explained.
"It's not a worry of ours my boy, if the punters want the same portions they had five years ago then they have to buy two lots instead of one. More money for us!"
JC could see a problem with this.
" Dad that means they are taking all the small fish to make up the numbers of portions, and soon there will be nothing left to catch".
" What do I care?" replied his father. "Next year I retire and I have made a fortune. The business is yours and it is booming, and you can sell it on and do what you like with the money."
But unlike most people JC actually gave a shite about what was happening.
The following year, he did indeed take over the family business and promptly sold it to a canny, Scotsman who could see that the fish stocks were about to collapse and that people would have to eat something else.
" So what do you plan to sell Mr Mc Donnald? " asked JC as he singed the deeds.
" Burgers in a bun , son. I have just bought a load of rainforest dirt cheap, I will get it cut down , flog the wood for furniture and put cattle on the land."
"But that is short term like the overfishing, it can't last for long, and the resources will be exhausted."
" Too late Sunshine , you singed the deeds, and who cares if it becomes a desert in a few years, all we have to do is hype up those Aztec pyramids and the tourists will flock in."
But JC was extremely unhappy about this and more upset about the overfishing and the fact he had been called 'Sunshine'.
So he decided to get together a band of people who would follow him in his cause to stop overfishing, and enlighten people to what was happening.
So he formed JC and the Sunshine Band.
As JC started to spread the word, he made and friends and enemies and started to seriously sod off the local gill netters who were catching anything that they could.
One day a two men were gill netting when JC spotted them. Desperate to spread the word he borrowed a long board from a local surfer and drifted over to the men as he stood on it.
Being a long board to the fishermen it looked like he was walking on water.
'Bloody hell' said one of them 'Its that nutter who keeps on about over fishing,and he walks on water by the look of it, quick chuck the net over the other side of the boat so he can't see it. After all we have caught enough today."
'As JC drifted past at a distance he asked the fishermen to join his band.
'Yeha, right' they replied, ' We will do that as soon as we get a net full of nothing and then we will believe you.'
But after JC had drifted back to the shore, they pulled the net, and it was empty.
'Well that's us convinced' they said, and set off to join JC.
Another time JC and the Sunshine band were spreading the word in the local market when JC spotted a cripple begging in the spot where he wanted to stand and speak.
JC wandered over to him and whispered into his ear.
Seconds later the cripple was off down the road like a greased eel in a snake pit.
'A miracle' cried the crowd.
'What did you sathat cured him' asked one of the band.
'Easy' replied JC 'I told him that if he didn't sod off I would superglue a Walkman I to his ears and play continuous recordings of Keith Arthur's , Fisherman's Blues.'
'Bloody hell,that was nasty' said the Band. 'No wonder he legged it.
But people were starting to take notice, and more and more people came to listen to what he had to say.
Many of the people who heard what JC stopped buying small fish, and many of the gill netters gave up , and found other employment.
As less and less people caught fish , the price of what they caught went higher and higher
and it got so that people could no longer afford fish unless they got a pay day loan from the local money lenders who charged a fortune in interest to borrow a bit of wonga.
By now JC was getting famous, and to celebrate his success he invited all the Sunshine Band round hid gaff for a bit of supper. The mood was good and the beers had flowed, then JC brought out the food.
It was whitebait on toast!!
'Bloody hell' said Joe Dass, who was one of the band. 'If anyone finds out that you served us this tonight, there will be hell to pay, it's all small fish.'
'Yeah, I know' said JC ' but it was frozen stuff, and no one here will say anything unless you grass me up.'
Joe Dass, went red.
'You always pick on me when your pissed.' He complained
But going home that night he was stopped for drink driving by the local police who had decided to ignore muggers, terrorists, drug dealers, burglars, and the like, and spend their time on traffic duty.
Sure enough Joe Dass spilled the beans about JC and the next day the details of that last supper was in all the tabloid papers.
The press crucified JC about the whitebait.
With his credibility gone JC broke up the Sunshine Band and gave up his crusade.
Very soon everyone forgot what JC had been saying about overfishing and the gill netters were back in business. The less they caught ,the more nets they put out, and the smaller they made the mesh.
But people no longer cared, because there were fish back in the shops, even if they were so small they could only be used for soup. ( Like in Mediterranean countries)
Within a few days JC was yesterday's news and he quickly resurrected his career under a pseudo name and became a presenter of a program on the television ,going around the world to exotic locations trying to catch the remaining fish that were there on a rod and line and by doing so convince the viewers that all was well in the oceans.
So everyone ended up happy. JC got a fantastic job, the people got fish back in the shops, and the gill netters caught what was left in the sea.
Everyone knew it couldn't last, but no one care.
After all, it wasn't their problem, or was it?
