Post by theoldfart2 on Aug 13, 2014 20:36:29 GMT
Well as you know today was my chance of ,finally winning the 'Most Handsome Fisherman 'category at the Yarmouth Carnival Pier Fishing Competition.
After 60 odd years, I finally thought that this year was my big chance.
Mrs OldFart had been to Argos and treated me to a nasal and ear hair trimmer, (Why is it that when you go bald your nasal, neck and ear hair gets longer? Does this mean that you arnt actually getting bald, just that your hair is fed up with being covered with a hat and has finally decided to find another part of the body in which to flourish ?)
Still, there I was in my best very tight Brutas Jeans ( know what I mean, shows off the tackle ) got the Brillcream on what is left of the hair, touch of Brute 33 ( never fails) and ready to rock and roll....when Nippers Nipper is at the door.
He's like a dog with two dicks, chuffed to fxxxxk.
'Grandad, I've just passed my driving test' and you promised that I could take you out for a drive when I passed.
Got to admit that I said that ,and you must honor what you say to kids but why did the little turd have to pass today?
Still off off we went with me shittxxxx myself, (sometimes he went over 35 mph) until we got to the first pub ,when grandad needed a pee, followed by a few pints. (You have a coke Nipper you are driving, starting to like this).
Anyhow, after a couple ,he takes me for a drive round in my relaxed state, by which time my Brillcream has dripped over my forehead, the Brute 33 smells like cats sod, and there are the tale tale signs of leakage around the tackle region of the Brutas Jeans owing to the zip being too tight to shake the old thing properly and you look a bit of a weirdo stood at the pub urinal with your jeans round your ankles, so that you can wring and skin the mighty beast.
Finally he drives me back home,.Mrs OldFart is beaming (it was a year ago today they told her she had three months to go so she never thought she would see Nippers, Nipper pass his test).
But I have had to face the fact that it is yet another year has passed without me winning as it is gone past the weigh in by now.
Then to top it off, the little sod says 'Grandad... you did say that you would pay my insurance for the first year when I passed my test '
What can you say? when I passed my test it was five pounds six shillings and nine pence to insure my Austin A35 van.
One thousand one hundred and six fuxxxxxxk pounds!!!!!!!
Still no pockets in a shroud, and try as I may I can't take it with me, ( mind you if you got family there is bugger all to take)
Dont begrudge the little sox it though, remember my first van (the A 35) had some fun it that!!!!!
Big day in your life when you pass your test, bit like loosing your virginity , and if you can still find a secluded car park you may do both on the same day.
TOF
After 60 odd years, I finally thought that this year was my big chance.
Mrs OldFart had been to Argos and treated me to a nasal and ear hair trimmer, (Why is it that when you go bald your nasal, neck and ear hair gets longer? Does this mean that you arnt actually getting bald, just that your hair is fed up with being covered with a hat and has finally decided to find another part of the body in which to flourish ?)
Still, there I was in my best very tight Brutas Jeans ( know what I mean, shows off the tackle ) got the Brillcream on what is left of the hair, touch of Brute 33 ( never fails) and ready to rock and roll....when Nippers Nipper is at the door.
He's like a dog with two dicks, chuffed to fxxxxk.
'Grandad, I've just passed my driving test' and you promised that I could take you out for a drive when I passed.
Got to admit that I said that ,and you must honor what you say to kids but why did the little turd have to pass today?
Still off off we went with me shittxxxx myself, (sometimes he went over 35 mph) until we got to the first pub ,when grandad needed a pee, followed by a few pints. (You have a coke Nipper you are driving, starting to like this).
Anyhow, after a couple ,he takes me for a drive round in my relaxed state, by which time my Brillcream has dripped over my forehead, the Brute 33 smells like cats sod, and there are the tale tale signs of leakage around the tackle region of the Brutas Jeans owing to the zip being too tight to shake the old thing properly and you look a bit of a weirdo stood at the pub urinal with your jeans round your ankles, so that you can wring and skin the mighty beast.
Finally he drives me back home,.Mrs OldFart is beaming (it was a year ago today they told her she had three months to go so she never thought she would see Nippers, Nipper pass his test).
But I have had to face the fact that it is yet another year has passed without me winning as it is gone past the weigh in by now.
Then to top it off, the little sod says 'Grandad... you did say that you would pay my insurance for the first year when I passed my test '
What can you say? when I passed my test it was five pounds six shillings and nine pence to insure my Austin A35 van.
One thousand one hundred and six fuxxxxxxk pounds!!!!!!!
Still no pockets in a shroud, and try as I may I can't take it with me, ( mind you if you got family there is bugger all to take)
Dont begrudge the little sox it though, remember my first van (the A 35) had some fun it that!!!!!
Big day in your life when you pass your test, bit like loosing your virginity , and if you can still find a secluded car park you may do both on the same day.
TOF
