T O F From the other side

[theoldfart2]

Sadly TOF passed away a couple of years ago. We knew how much he enjoyed writing on this site and enjoyed the banter.

so... We ( the Nippers) were chatting about him the other day and recon if he could put on a thread it would be something like this.....







Well it's been a while since I put a post on this site, but being dead has a few restrictions.

For a start there is no internet, mobile phones or television here. No Coronation Street, No East Enders and No River Monsters, No Fishermans Blues on the radio , that's why it's called Heaven!

It's been a couple of years since I moved in ,and after I went up the golden staircase I found a bloody great que at the Pearly Gates. All trying their best to get in. However as soon as St Peter saw me it was straight to the V.I.P door for yours truly ( very important passed away).

So, Naturally I am given all the top treatment here. Massive house that backs onto a private golf course, the front overlooks a huge lake with private jetty and my own luxury forty foot fishing boat with a fridge that allways has a few cold beers in it no matter how many you drink, and a permanent supply of nibbles served by beautiful Angeles .

There is so much fish here you wouldn't believe it. After all,the dead fish go to the afterlife and they all have Sole's .

So life here was well, Heaven, then buggier me just as I was settled in Mrs Oldfart turns up.

'Well' she says 'This is very nice, much better than the other place'.

'Yes' I told her ' And if you hadn't made me cut down on the fags and booze I could have been here ten years ago!'

Still there's lots to do here apart from fishing.

I went to the test match last week, England v Australia. That Harold Larwood is some bowler opened with Fred Trueman, but that Don Bradman is still batting 467 not out. Obviously it's a 'timeless test' here and I can't wait to see. Jack Hobbs bat, probably next month the way things are going.

England won the World Cup ( again ) last year Duncan Edwards scored the winner, beating Germany. However next time could be different as the Clogs have got Crauff back in their side.

Still back to the fishing.


Everything was going great until some long haired git kept walking over water and putting his gill nets out as if he owned the place.

I had a right row with him and he told me to go and see his dad if I wasn't happy.

Well I did! and it turned out that his dad does own the place!

But he is a reasonable old boy and we had a couple of beers and got chatting.

First thing I asked him was why everyone calls him God? As its a strange name.

'Well' he explained ' G.O.D was the initials that were on my suitcase when I was sent from Olympus to sort this place out. I was on a two week all inclusive exchange deal arranged by the Druid and Human Sacrifice society, when the bloke who was supposed to come here got a better offer running the underworld ( loose women ,drinking all day etc) so mr Hades went there and I offered to fill in . Been here ever since. My real name is Gordon Oliver Davies, but just call me god.'

Bloody hell God is a Welshman. well that explains a lot!

Still he did say that he hoped his son would take over , but as he said. ' Cant even get his hair cut, not interested in his responsibilities , and all I have done for him. Got him an apprenticeship as a chippy but he wasn't interested in hard work, just wanted to be a hippy ,turning water into wine and having a good time with his mates.'

Regrettably I had to agree that I have had the same problems.


Then Gordy ,we are well on first name terms by now, came up with a great idea.

'Tell you what TOF, '( he calls me Toffo) ,'why don't you take over from me? If you do I can go off to Valhalla for a good old bit of quaffing and all that ,before I go back home.'

I did point out that as he has been away from home for a few thousand years his old lady may not be overly pleased to see him back but he explained that time is relevant and two weeks in Aberystwyth is the same as twenty thousand anywhere else.

So I told him I will think about it over the next few days.

What do you mortals think? Should I take the gig?

Take care all of you , hope to see all of you not too soon, and remember if you are really bad you are sent downstairs where they play endless recordings of Portsmouth Football Club's matches,
Although ,that could be heaven for some no doubt.!!

T.O.F. Deceased

[walker]

Thank you. I appreciate it was some time ago but did you put up Part 1 of a ghost story but never updated with part 2?

[theoldfart2]

I never put ,as you put it,part 2 on the site for a very good reason.
Although TOF had a wicked sence of humour, there was also a dark side to him.
Nothing bad, I must stress ,but he believed in the afterlife, although he was an atheist.

He explained to me believe it or not ,as is your choice, that ouijaboards are a key that unlocks a door.
But an open door lets anything through.

My argument was that there are no ghost T. Rex walking around, presumably because they didn't have Ouija Boards then.

I have allways been an atheist, a sceptic and never believed in ghosts.

So I promised TOF to go down to the beach ,on my own, when the moon was right, and fish alone.

I also stupidly boasted that I would take the old Ouija board with me so he could check on me doing it.

( Note.back in the 1960/70s Ouija Boards were sold as a game, until it wasn't funny anymore,then they were banned,rapidly,)

I did something stupid that night on that beach trying to be clever , I opened the door.

And it wasn't TOF that came through it

If you want to fish there alone at night , be certain what you believe in.

The Young Fart

[theoldfart2]

P S.  The Old Fart was slaughtered on other fishing websites when he moaned that the sea was being over fished and would be empty of fish soon.

Well it's nearly July, there are no Mackerel ( OK the odd shoal, but we haven't even had one) there is a Bass ban (20 years too late) , the mussel beds have all gone as have the oysters in the Solent, there are no cockles in the sand, you can't dig ragworm as they are protected.

And I hate to say it , but.".... He was right!

[nicholasrt9]

I think you should take the gig.